May 19, 2008

Ok, so the cat was alive, but maybe not so happy. She looked thin to me when we arrived home and was walking a little funny. This morning she was moving around, climbed on the picnic table, layed in the sun, but she's moving slow and I began to wonder if today was the day. Em was on her way to work for 9am so I encourage her to spend a little time with the cat before work. In doing so, Emily seemed to realize that the end was near as well and started to cry. She pulled herself together and drove us to work. While she put her stuff away I found Sally (her boss) and let her know what was going on. Sally apologized to Em, which set off another round of tears. Sally quickly suggested that she go, and Emily agreed. When we got home Colleen could bearly move and was no longer walking, Emily was very upset. I contemplated ways of taking the poor thing out painlessly, but Emily insisted that I take the cat to the vet to be euthanized. Mike and I agreed that was best, since we didn't feel that modern cars emitted enough CO3 to do the job quickly. $118 later and several attempts, (she was very dehydrated and he couldn't find a vein after several attempts on both arms, the fatal blow was to the heart on the 10th attempt there) I believe that Colleen's last coherent moment was at 11:24 when she stopped purring. The vet said she was suffering from a neurologic disorder.
So we're home now, the kids are fed and I'm looking forward to an afternoon of digging. Mike said he'd bring home some flowers to put on the grave, he's so thoughtful, and I wonder how I got so lucky.
The hole was dug and subsequently filled. I marvel at the different ways my children grieve. Emily didn't want anything more to do with the process, except that she was to be buried under her new tree. Danny on the other had wanted to see Colleen. I've learned to trust my children, even at such a young age, and am greatful for the insight that allows me to do that. I prepared Dan, told him that her eyes might be open, I hadn't thought about it earlier, but am now happy that I wrapped her in a towel and had left her in the warm van so at least she wasn't cold when he touched her, and that she hadn't been in there long enough to yet become stiff. Danny petted her and commented that he could now touch parts she would never let him touch. He and I dug the hole together, he picked her up in her yellow towel and carried her to the site, all the while I prayed that she didn't fall out, especially if Emily was inside peering through a window at that very moment. He made it sucessfully and he and I gently lowered her into the ground. We covered the hole and the deal was done. Dan remembered that when Nana died we put flowers on her casket and asked if we could put some flowers on our newly interned cat. I agreed and he went off scurrying around the yard havesting. He found some grape hyacinths, a couple of tulips, and a newly opened bunch of lilacs. We have a huge bush of bleeding hearts in the backyard, so I asked him if he wanted some of those. He sayed "No, that would make me sad" He puts on a brave front, but there's still a tender heart under there and I'm glad.