Friday, July 4, 2008

July 4, 2008

Dan and Mike are taking a nap, and Em's at the mall with the Morse girls and Sarah. I have some blessed quiet time to regroup. First off I'm doing well. No alcohol in three days, still eating only fruits and vegetable, and walked 3.5 miles this morning. I feel terrific and am already noticing some weight coming off. So far these changes are my secret. After really thinking about the things that have gone on over the last week, I'm entirely less concerned with my feelings of restlessness in the marriage and a little more concerned in doing the things that are going to make me feel good about myself. I hadn't really put the pieces together, but Em is nearly an adult, she not just getting by now like she was when she was in school, she's now thriving. Her boss told me they liked her so much they were going to keep her on staff. Most of the seasonal help will be laid off. Subconsciously I think it's a huge weight off of me. She's doing in on her own, and she's doing it well. At this point what more can I ask.

As for Danny my whole world has basically revolved around this little boy. But nowhe's growing up, he plays with friends more then me, he can dress himself, nearly bathe himself, feed himself, there's less for me to do. I think 4 is the age where a child moves from the baby years into the child years....these are my favorite by far. Anyway, these kids have been my whole life for so long, I forgot I have a life too.

So here's my thinking. School in the fall for me. I want to go back to school to be an RN, then go on to midwifery. It seems like such a long road, and Danny is still so young. But if I do a class or two at night, by the time Dan is Emmy's age I'll be that much closer to achieving my goals. So that's the plan for now. I haven't had a chance to talk to Mike about any of this yet. I kind of like that I'm doing this just for me with no questions why. I also haven't told him I've stopped drinking but I'm sure he knows something is up, for the last two nights he's asked me repeatedly if I wanted wine and I just said no thank you, yesterday he brought me home some Smirnoff's which I really like in the summer, but I didn't touch. I can tell he's starting to wonder what's going on. I did comment the other night after declining a glass that I was tired of waking up with a hangover, so I don't think he'll be surprised.

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